One Month In Hell
by Anemoi
Summary: As a result for the lack of cooperation between Hellsing and Iscariot, a punishment was decided between Her Majesty and the Vatican, that members of both organizations are to be contained for one month together, under one House. AxS, PipxYumi and others..
1. Chapter 1: Battle Royal?

Disclaimer: If you ask me I'll say no, I don't own these magnificent characters or this awesome like story. So there.

Chapter 1: Battle Royal?

It was a normal day in London. Nothing out of the ordinary really, and if you pass by a big old mansion, with a huge fence hiding it from the rest of the world, with a sign casually placed in front with, Hellsing Mansion, scrolled in large bold letters on its surface, you wouldn't think twice about it.

That is until you hear a loud string of curses coming from the second floor window of the large mansion.

"Alucard!" Integra bellowed while gritting her teeth and unknowingly crushing her favorite brand of cigar in the palm of her hands. Her eyes bulged out of her face, fueled with anger which was directed at the ancient being before her.

The tall, lanky vampire clad in red simply lounged on one of the chairs in Integra's office. Acting as if nothing out of the ordinary was in fact taking place before him. A grin was drawn on his finely chiseled visage, and as his glasses were no where in sight his eyes were sparkling with evident glee and in return mocking his young female master before him.

"Come, come Integra, you seem to think that this was _my_ doing."

"Well it bloody well should have been! The fact that half of the queens home was destroyed because of several highly explosive rounds being shot off at Iscariot members. Her majesty would have been killed."

Rising from his chair, and moving towards the window which showed the coming of a new moon, he said in a matter-of-fact voice, "It was your orders my master that I made sure the queen was safe from _all_ possible harm."

"Did that include mulling a certain Alexander Anderson?"

At this Alucard smiled showing his canine teeth, "Would you have trusted her majesty's safety in the hands of that insane and rather inept Paladin, Integra?"

Integra grinned, her muscles slowly relaxing, causing her hand to release the all ready obliterated cigar from within onto her nicely polished desk. She moved from behind her desk, lost in thought.

Silence remained between the two, as if both were lost in their thoughts, in reality Alucard watched his young master. He felt the race of emotions filter through her body to his. Suddenly a calm seemed to engulf her being and it appeared that she'd temporarily forgotten of the vampire that sat casually on the firm leather couch before her desk. For after that she moved towards the door to her chambers which were conveniently adjacent to her office, preparing to exit to her rooms.

Before she made to turn in for the night, she once again addressed the vampire king as an after thought, her facial expressions having resumed a cold and uncaring demeanor. She examined him for some time, taking in his cool composure and wandering how he could remain calm in such a situation, when it clicked. Then her lip lifted, revealing a twisted smile, "this may actually end up being quite amusing….if you get my drift."

In reply, an unearthly cackle filled the static atmosphere, causing the hairs on Integra's neck tingle with an unearthly chill.

"Indeed my master," and with that Alucard disappeared into the darkness of the room, leaving behind an echo of his creepy stomach flipping laughter that appropriately resounded about the entire room.

* * *

In the kitchen, Walter was conveniently found sitting to a meal of some good old fashion vichyssoise, when out of nowhere the kitchen door swung open and a current of bristling anger swamped the once happy atmospher.

Usually this was the time of day, although pretty late in the evening, that Walter found time to take his evening meal. On this fine day it consisted of wonderfully cooled potato and leek soup, which is accordingly called vichyssoise. Walter's, believe it or not, favorite soup.

"How could it be my fault! No, it's most definitely all your fault because you're the sulking cadswopple!!" Seras yelled to no one in particular, her pale faced heated from anger as she clenched her hands together.

She angrily marched to the small gray fridge that was neatly tucked in a darkened corner of the kitchen. It was facing the more standard appliances in a kitchen but hidden from view to escape notice. Yanking at the door and slamming it closed after plucking a blood pack, Seras's usually content and youthful face was marred in a snarl as she dug her teeth in her innocent prey, the blood pack.

Walter quizzically watched the young fledgling but brushed of his concern when he tried to once again take his first sip of cold soup. But suddenly the kitchen door was once again thrown open, and a young man with a braid wound around his neck in a disheveled manner, marched into the room. This caused Walter to jump up from shoke and to sadly spill the contents of his soup onto his finely starched chemise.

As Pip tried to unmagestically catch his breath, he belated bellowed, "I don't even know what that means!! You're the unrealistic chit that decided to aide in my _unorthodox_ idea in the first place!" Pip hollered back, eyes bulging and head literally fuming from the previous language that Seras had used in describing his ego. (Words that shant be used for the sake of all the innocent ears and eyes reading this.)

"Was not! I wasn't the one who decided to throw a bunch of grenades at the very doorsteps of the Queens Palace!!"

"Well I wasn't the one who was literally ogling a certain dead corpse while forgetting that there was a bunch of parliament members in need of rescuing!" Pip retorted.

"I wasn't ogling!! And for your information that _girl friend _of yours Yumiko was saving their sorry asses!! And if I remember correctly, _you_ were the one salivating. "

This irked Pip, as he had a great deal of issues with Yumiko, things that he'd rather not even think about.

"That was only once!!"

"She has a point you know, and from what I recall you and Yumiko have a wonderful history together…" Walter happily pointed out, finding the entire ordeal some what rather amusing. Although his chemise would say otherwise considering that now a good portion of his soup was drenching it.

"There's no such thing!" Pip claimed in a horrified manner.

"…how about the broom closet?" A dark sadistic voice said as a shadow formed beside Seras from the wall.

Pip's eyes widened, and suddenly he became rather grumbly and defensive, "that was only once and it wasn't what everyone thought it was!" He retorted briskly.

"Really? Well then, I guess those weren't your hands that were fondling a certain swordswoman beneath her habit," Alucard said, and noticing the sudden blush that spread accross Pip's cheeks he continued, " and she in return wouldn't have had her appendage in your pant."

Alucard then sat down at the table beside Walter, after feeling that the mercenary was justly humiliated for having angered his young consort. Walter on the other was busy trying not to choke himself to death with his soup, knowing full well the enitrety of the story having been with Alucard at the time of the discovery.

"Oh, then I guess those weren't Yumiko's panties I found in the closet later that day either," Seras purred, revenge feeling sweet in the air, as she took a seat beside her master and took a drought from her blood pack. After gulping down the fruitful liquid she added in a low but audible voice, "however, I could've sworn those belonged to her, her name _was _stitched on the inside."

Seras hid her smile behind her meal, feigning innocence as she gazed at Piip, who to her delight was gagging as the memory of the could have been coupling with a crazed woman resurfaced.

In a defeated sigh Pip took a seat at the table between Walter and Seras, "that day brings me nightmares," he uttered as a shiver visably ran down his spine. "Technically I was supposed to meet that bosomy maid, Bridgette," he said matter-of-factly. "How would I have known that Yumiko was there instead, it was way to dark in there to see, and feeling a warm and might I add rather willing body in there, I just went with my gut instincts."

"Oh I see, so you decided to act like a complete ass! I'm afraid to wonder what would have happened if it was a man in there instead?" Seras said before she finishe of her blood pack.

This time a face was made by both the old retainer and the vampire king. The image of them being dragged of into a broom closet by a sex crazed french man, coincidentaly ran through both their minds. They looked at each other and eyed Pip questioningly, each secretly inching away from him.

Pip, being completely ignorant of what taking place before continued with his explanation, "I swore that day, after burning my clothes and literally scrubbing myself from her..." a shudder ran down his spine before he could manage to finish, "anyways, I swore that my meetings with Bridgette would only be had in the gardens or behind locked doors."

"Gross!" Seras whined, "Don't tell us that, now I can't go down to the garden or pass by a room without seeing you and Bridgette having a go at each other," a groan escaped her lips and she shook her head trying to get the image from head.

"Isn't she the maid with the rather nice…um" then Walter indicated his chest as he emphasized a huge chest area.

With that Alucard grinned, and Pip could do nothing but stare out in the distance, "Ahh oui, nice rack, and such soft attributes, most definitely the most welcoming woman I have ever had the chance of..." before Pip could even try to be colorful with his explanation, he was interupted with a cry of disgust coming from Seras.

"Come on, can't you even pretend to be just a tad bit descent when your sitting at the table!" Seras whined, giving the three males surrounding her a distasteful glare.

"Such beauty and perfection should be praised accordingly Ms. Victoria." Walter stated in between sips of his Vichy soup.

With that, Seras gagged and excused herself from the table. As she disposed of her emptied bag and exited the kitchen, she mumbled, "horny bastards, they can't have a descent conversation if their life depended on it."

As Seras began exiting the room, Alucard watched her from beneath his hair, appreciating her soft curves and as she purposefully left the room he whispered within her mind, _Point taken police girl_. In return, he felt Seras's emotions come in doubtful. At this he grinned, and finally closed the link that he had with his young fledgling temporarily as he moved his attention to address the two humans before him.

"I take it then that you both have heard of the punishment that the Queen, the council, and the Vatican have in store for us?" Alucard broke in before the conversation turned to old conquest between the two aging humans.

"I'm afraid it is rather unfortunate, but I think it will be an excellent chance for our organizations to get along better together." Walter optimistically continued, "the Americans have managed to deal splendidly with their difference in religions and race, I for one don't see why we can't do the same."

"You forget how the American's pretend that life is a cherry on a cake instead of burnt onions." Pip jutted in.

"Well, the younger generation show some promise, all I mean by this is that by getting to now our enemies we may better work together in the future." Walter countered.

"It's hard to see Integra sharing a civilized conversation over a cup of tea with Enrico Maxwell without throwing the contents of her cup in his face." Alucard said, with a smile forming on his lips.

"Then again, she hardly ever seems to have a civilized conversation with the members of the council," Walter replied as chuckle spilled from the old retainers lips.

"What are the terms of our punishment exactly, because all I know is that we have to endure this punishment along with the Iscariot members as well." Pip said, while picking in his jacket pocket for a cigarette.

"From what I understood from Integra, we are to stay in a rather large house in the remote part of Wales along with the members of Iscariot. Supervised of course." Alucard answered, opening up his third bag of blood and pouring its contents in a wine glass.

"You can't be serious!" Walter chortled, "how are they going to manage to contain us?"

"The full measures of the punishment have yet to be discovered, but in two days time we must be in Wales, and from what I can tell, we are stuck in a house that is walled of from the world for a period of one month." Alucard continued.

"Mon Dieu."

"I am interested to see what they plan for us, however…I wonder if it'll be similar to a Battle Royal?" A blood crazed grin illuminated the vampire kings paler. "This will truly be a great pleasure."

The two humans could do nothing but stare, for neither of them understood the good that could come from such an unthinkable arrangement. Are they truly expected to kill each other for survival? If that were the case, then they were totally screwed. What of the leaders of both organization, they're only common agreement was the hatred they shared for each other. As Alucard fazed from the kitchen to search for his fledgling, the two humans were left in a state of anticipation, dangerous tangy anticipation.

a/n: So, Battle Royal anyone…


	2. Chapter 2: Preparations

Disclaimer: If I owned Hellsing, let me just say Alucard would definitely be chained to my basement wall right now. And he'd be a secret…yup.

Chapter 2: Preparations

The next two days saw the entire Hellsing household in a state of complete chaos. The reason behind this started out with a simple letter. A letter that was promptly sent to each of the members that were called to Wales. An in such a prompt manner, Integra took the liberty to read the letter, knowing full well that her mood would drop severly after doing so. The things she did for her Queen and country.

The letter stated in an official manner the reason behind their confinement and thus the length and the purpose behind the punishment they were meant to serve. And as if solving a great problem, the letter even addressed the lack of leadership Hellsing would go through for the upcoming month, saying that the leadership of the remainder members would be carried out by none other than the Council.

This didn't bode very well with Integra. The idea that her organization, the very organization that was started from her ancestors sweat and blood, was to be taken over by a load of fat, pompous, and egotistical males who knew absolutely nothing about the way an organization was to be run. Especially an organization that was lethal and dangerous and had to be expertly handled when dealing with the enemy that was considered a threat to the human race. How could a bunch a soft bottomed middle-aged men run such a institution?

So, Integra, who unknowingly started of her morning in a rather grumbly manner, began her day by receiving a call from none other then the head of the Council members. A Sir Linus T. Buddersum who was led into her office, in a curtly manner. His features bespoke of one who was well pampered as a youth and new absolutely nothing about the violence that was sought in the field of vampire hunters.

Sir Buddersum had finely thinning hair that was bedecked with gray hairs sprouting between the brown ones. His eyes were tiny baby blue pupils that seemed to squint behind a great mop of layered fat. And usually when he spoke in a hurried and angry manner, they seemed to bulge from his face, giving him the appearance of a bulldog. His skin was a blotchy red, from the constant need for oxygen his burly figure screamed for. Thus causing him to perspire at all possible moments of the day.

Coming from a wealthy family, and being the heir to a hefty sum, Sir Buddersum never failed when it came to trying to appear the part of one who reeked of both land and money. His clothing and shoes, were always made specifically to suit him by the very best tailors and shoemakers in all of Europe. In fact he hired his tailors depending on their talents in the art of clothing. For instance, he has one that makes him finely stitched ties from silk and cotton, and another that fashions him belts that could actually circle his wide frame. If that's not enough, his own underware is made to snugly fit him as well, and let's not forget socks!

On the morning, that can only be described as the calm before the storm, Sir Buddersum marches into Integra's domain in his finest. His belly sticking forward, his nose held high causing him to look like a bulky pig, prancing around its bacon before a hungry wolf. He marched forth with no other purpose but to gloat and gossip, of which he'll get none coming from the one whose very poise that morning spoke of a contained wrath that prickled like a thousand hot blooded hornets, for when he entered her office, she wasn't in a very a swell mood.

Integra had actually just finished reading her official letter of confinement when Sir Buddersum had barreled into her office, walking as if he owned the place. Upon seeing him, she let out a sigh of annoyance and fixed him with a glare that would have sent the devil running.

Considering the pudgy Councilors failure to notice or even register the fact that he was invading a wolf's den, he gave Sir Integra his most lopsided smile, and began with a torrent of words expressing a bunch of rubbish, according to Integra's ears.

"Good morning, Integra. I believe you are aware of the coming arrangements for this month." Sir Buddersum began.

"It's…" Integra began, but was cut of just as fast as it took for the Councilor before her to take a breath.

"Well good. I must say that it was a very bothersome decision that we had to agree to. But you know how persuasive Her Majesty can be," he purred in a sly manner. He casually invited himself to sit in the dark leather couch before Integra's desk., causing Integra's eye to twitch, but Sir Buddersum failed to notice her agitation at his doing so.

"I hope you understand that part of this arrangement of your prolonged absence from the organization has the Council in return continuing your work here. We in the Council hope that you understand that you have no access to this organization during your...confinement." He continued, attempting it to appear as a rather serious matter.

Integra however seemed occupied in lighting the first cigar of the morning, although even inhaling the cancerous fumes didn't seem to solve the problem before her.

"And if you fail to follow through your sentence, you will be deemed unworthy and unsuitable to continue leading this organization." With that Sir Buddersum turned his head to the side, eyes slightly bulging from his lengthy phrasing and perspiration began to drip from his forehead to his nose as he waited for the lady to react to what he said. However the silence was only because the young heiress was envisioning him being mulled by a certain vampire, along with the remainder of the councilors.

_All you have to do is ask my master and your word is my command._ A voice gently grazed her consciousness. Although so early in the morning she wasn't that stupid, and angrily hurtled a storm of curses down to Alucard, who in response expelled chill gripping chuckles.

Finally the connection the two shared was severed for the moment, bringing Integra back to the reality at hand.

Going over what Sir Buddersum had said, especially his last statement, Integra did find herself taking heed of what the Councilor said. But it made the message no more better than her seeing the annoying Councilor before her, in her office, leveling her prized leather seat to the ground, which was usually left for Alucard to enjoy.

Sir Buddersum however continued eyeing the young female, for Integra did not respond immediately or belatedly and instead appeared to be as still as stone. Her usually calm demeanor was heated from the repressed anger and rage she felt towards the Councilor in general.

For she now knew where this confinement idea came from, at least the extended length of time that she was to spend away from her organization and her people. And now she knew why the Councilors were involved in the almost seamless plot. They thought to take her organization from her.

Well aren't they the idiots.

Suddenly Integra stood up from her chair and eyed the porky being before her She watched disgustingly as Sir Buddersum wiped his brow and daintily moped his noise from the droplets of perspiration. The Councilor, upon seeing Integra rise from her seat behind the desk, seemed to think that it was to be a moment of great welcoming and thanks from the young heiress. Little did the man know that he was preparing for the impossible.

"Get. Out."

The two words seemed to vibrate through Sir Buddersum's body.

"I beg your pardon?" He uttered, clumsily hefting himself from his seat.

"You heard me, you pompous pea brain. I said, get out." Integra said. Her face was completely neutral, but her eyes showed one who was cold and felt absolute hatred towards the being before her.

"How dare you! Do you know who your addressing you silly child!" Sir Buddersum suddenly exclaimed more from fear than insult.

"I do, you mindless pig. And not just that, I understand very well the game you and those silly buffoons are playing at. But you forget one tiny thing." She proclaimed with the air of a true Hellsing, " This organization is nothing without the blood and soul of a Hellsing and I won't have a bunch of anal old men think they can take over this organization and run it just as well as I."

Suddenly the air surrounding the two humans became charged with electricity as Integra's own anger was channeled throughout the atmosphere. Sir Buddersum began to understand the pickle he'd placed himself within when he first volunteered to come to the mansion alone without back up to face the wrath of one so finely endowed.

(For when having a link welded between a mortal and one of the undead, certain phenomena's are permitted to take place.)

(One being the art of fear.) This was exactly what Sir Buddersum felt, a surge of fire eating fear that seemed to engulf him from all over. With that his brain became a tangled mass of wires, sending mixed signals to his body to run and cower in fear, while a tiny voice peeped within him to fight. This was accordingly squashed beneath the fear he felt however and with the lack of control he felt, he literally became a blumbering fool.

"You're making a big mistake Integra." He managed to stutter as he edged towards the door.

"It's Sir Hellsing, if you don't mind and I am still residing in this mansion. I still have power over this organization, and I still manage the man that serve this organization as well." A smile snaked its way onto her face as she registered the disheveled appearance the aristocrat portrayed before her.

"Your making a huge mistake Integral for thinking you'll get away with this." He repeated turning around and making his way towards the exit in his final attempt at trying to redeem his earlier air of grandness.

"I believe you're mistaken to think anything took place this morning, and I must add Councilor, even if you do manage to take hold of the organization, Alucard will only and therefore always answer to me."

With that the Councilor froze. The ancient vampire king had made it quite plain in previous years his dislike for the council members, and his complete willingness to tear each of them limb by limb. With a sudden burst of energy the bulky aristocrat whose entrance was so fine exited in such a way befitting of a sulky pig.

Even though Integra had managed to be on top in the morning ordeal with the Councilor, a sudden feeling of apprehension took root within her.

The very idea that those dirty mongrels would even step foot within her domains, not mentioning the idea that the bulgy Sir Buddersum would be seating his rather large buttocks within her chair behind _her_ desk that her very ancestors used was enough to make her want to pull her hair.

And thus, the chaos ensued.

For suddenly every maid, butler, soldier, mercenary, engineer, doctor and let's not forget vampire was made to line-up before her and a long hefty speech was made on the importance of loyalty and comradeship between each member of the organization.

When everyone's attention was finally had, Integra spoke of how the Council was to be running the show for the upcoming month. And that while she, Alucard, Seras, Walter and Pip were away she expected the best possible behavior from them all, and that any less was to be completely ignored.

And so the Hellsing mansion turned from one of regal obedience to one of complete lunacy.

The butlers and maids made sure that everything was to be cleaned and tidied as usual, however there were a few adjustments made in the way they did things. For instance although the beds were properly made, the gardeners had kindly donated rocks to be placed beneath the mattress's of which the Councilors would be using as they rested during their stay in the mansion. Such devilry was to be had amongst the rest of the household as well, for mercenaries and soldiers kindly polished their weapons and washed their vehicles in preparation for any sudden mission. However, the mercenaries conveniently spoke their native languages, feigning complete ignorance in the English tongue. The soldiers began to also constantly speak in code. One that didn't exist.

That day and the following day was spent in preparation for the coming departure of the Hellsing leader and gang, and the coming of the Councilor members to the mansion.

Integra had made herself completely ignorant of what her people were up to, and this only brought her more glee and relief, straying her from the distress of the confinement that she was to endure with her arch nemesis, Enrico Maxwell.

Alucard himself found the entire ordeal pretty amusing and couldn't resist giving a hand when it came to setting random, yet terrifying traps about the mansion. Especially since there was no repercussions from his master for doing so. He even got Seras to aide in a few of them. Some which usually ended in a mass of tangled limbs and heated pheromones in darkened corners of the mansion.

However with all the fun that was had, it was almost forgotten that soon the hour would come when the five unfortunate members of the organization had to depart their home for one that was to be filled with another body of people. And time was surely not on their side.

At least not this time.

a/n: Thank you by the way for the reviews!! They were lovely!


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